"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.
I grew up in a very Godly, wonderful home. I am truly grateful for my parents and the truths they empowered me with. But because of my strong, Godly heritage, I quickly learned how to say all the right things, use all the appropriate scripture and argue to death theological points all the while keeping the painful brokeness of my heart inside. Instead of acknowledging certain disappointments and feelings to God or to others, I often find myself telling Him and myself, “I’m fine, I have it under control.” (Like He doesn’t already know I’m a mess!) When insecurities creep in and I find I am not satisfied in Christ completely then it means I am not trusting him for my life …. and that’s true. This bothers me and I often don’t want to admit it. After so many years of walking with Him, shouldn’t I be in a different place? Am I still struggling with the same thorn? By actually going to the deep places, my tiny faith is addressed. Ironically, that is right where He wants me; broken and in humble acknowledgment of where I lack trust. "Lord, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24) I know that my faith is not as strong as it should be. James 4: 10 says, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” His promise is to lift me up when I come to him humbly. It’s painful to address how far I haven’t come in my faith, but it’s when going there, that I realize the lengths and depths of Christ’s love for me. Romans 5:8 says, “While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” I can’t even wrap my mind around that. Not when I got it together, not when I made all the right choices, not when my faith was perfect, but while I was a complete, utter, sinful mess; Christ died for me. Could I be loved anymore?
One of my closest friends battled cancer for several years before Jesus called her home. She lived her brief life with great purpose and taught me well how to be honest with struggles, yet hopeful in affliction. While struggling with cancer, many aspects of her faith were addressed, but she humbly handed God her broken pieces and she let Him be strong for her. It was beautiful to watch. Although God did not choose to heal her physically on earth, he made her extra beautiful as she prepared to see him face to face. Because she let him. In this fallen world, disappointments will continue to come and our small faith will continue to question God’s goodness. Isn’t it in the realization of our weak faith that we are made aware of our great need for a loving God? A God who is big enough and strong enough to handle our questions, doubts, anger and insecurities? There is great comfort and joy in following Jesus. He sees our mess and loves us more then we could begin to imagine!
God is teaching me to be honest with him in my hurt and humble in the things I still struggle to trust him with. He already knows what is going on inside me, why not just hand it over for him so He may lift me up? I am learning to trust that He will turn the ashes in my life into things of beauty…when I let him…that he might be glorified. "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.
I grew up in a very Godly, wonderful home. I am truly grateful for my parents and the truths they empowered me with. But because of my strong, Godly heritage, I quickly learned how to say all the right things, use all the appropriate scripture and argue to death theological points all the while keeping the painful brokeness of my heart inside. Instead of acknowledging certain disappointments and feelings to God or to others, I often find myself telling Him and myself, “I’m fine, I have it under control.” (Like He doesn’t already know I’m a mess!) When insecurities creep in and I find I am not satisfied in Christ completely then it means I am not trusting him for my life …. and that’s true. This bothers me and I often don’t want to admit it. After so many years of walking with Him, shouldn’t I be in a different place? Am I still struggling with the same thorn? By actually going to the deep places, my tiny faith is addressed. Ironically, that is right where He wants me; broken and in humble acknowledgment of where I lack trust. "Lord, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24) I know that my faith is not as strong as it should be. James 4: 10 says, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” His promise is to lift me up when I come to him humbly. It’s painful to address how far I haven’t come in my faith, but it’s when going there, that I realize the lengths and depths of Christ’s love for me. Romans 5:8 says, “While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” I can’t even wrap my mind around that. Not when I got it together, not when I made all the right choices, not when my faith was perfect, but while I was a complete, utter, sinful mess; Christ died for me. Could I be loved anymore?
One of my closest friends battled cancer for several years before Jesus called her home. She lived her brief life with great purpose and taught me well how to be honest with struggles, yet hopeful in affliction. While struggling with cancer, many aspects of her faith were addressed, but she humbly handed God her broken pieces and she let Him be strong for her. It was beautiful to watch. Although God did not choose to heal her physically on earth, he made her extra beautiful as she prepared to see him face to face. Because she let him. In this fallen world, disappointments will continue to come and our small faith will continue to question God’s goodness. Isn’t it in the realization of our weak faith that we are made aware of our great need for a loving God? A God who is big enough and strong enough to handle our questions, doubts, anger and insecurities? There is great comfort and joy in following Jesus. He sees our mess and loves us more then we could begin to imagine!
God is teaching me to be honest with him in my hurt and humble in the things I still struggle to trust him with. He already knows what is going on inside me, why not just hand it over for him so He may lift me up? I am learning to trust that He will turn the ashes in my life into things of beauty…when I let him…that he might be glorified. "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
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